Truth be told, having been a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for a year now, I did not have to adjust to suddenly being stuck at home all day. The lock down situation has been my reality for a year now. Ok this sounds harsher than what I mean, but what I am saying is I’ve grown to be comfortable being alone most days and also being 9+ hours away from family and friends I definitely have gotten used to the feeling of just doing things on my own.
Now this doesn’t mean this pandemic has been easy every day. Honestly it’s a huge rollercoaster of emotions. Some days I’m perfectly fine and some I can barely make it through. Now you may be saying, “Idashly you just said you were fine being alone and doing things on your own.” Well yes I am, but that’s with at least having the option to go places and do things when I wanted to. I never realized how therapeutic going to even just the super market is for ones mental health. Obviously during a global pandemic EVERYTHING but essential shops are closed and having a child you don’t want to expose them regardless of how much your mental health may need it. So during these times we have made the decision that since Jay works for an essential company and is still working he is the only person in our family going in and out of our home, so he has been the one to do all the shopping for us. Basically making it so that I never have to leave the house with Emrie.
Which is great for health and safety reasons for our family but terrible on my mental health. The most outside activity that we have had is going on walks around our apartment complex or having little picnics on the lawn every now and then. The most social interaction I have had is face timing with my family back home. (which honestly has been very helpful) So yes, I’m used to being alone most days but I’m not used to being basically trapped in my home literally all day everyday. Are there meltdowns? Of course. (mostly from me lol) Do I feel claustrophobic? At times. Am I curious as to what items are on the shelves in the Target Dollar Spot? You bet. Have a sat on the bathroom floor and cried? Yup. But will I risk my baby’s health because I’m feeling these feeling heck no. So yea, its been hard.
Some days I’m great! I’m ready to take on the day and be super productive. Then there are days when I wake up super motivated and by 11 am I’m exhausted with zero motivation. I let my emotions and anxiety get the best of me and it sucks… Why am I sharing this? well because I want you guys to know not everyday is sunshine and rainbows.
I want to also quickly and briefly address, how most people hear SAHM and think that we have it easy and have no right to complain about anything and how working moms have to adjust to a whole new routine/life right now so some may think I’m just being a big baby and I don’t know what hard actually is. K, that is your opinion. I honestly think we all have it rough right now and there should be no room for judgment because everyone goes through different things. No one, I repeat NO ONE is higher than the other. We are all amazing mothers just doing our best and trying to get through this difficult time the best way we can. Just because I am home doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to feel these feelings. I am super grateful to be able to stay home with my little girl and attend to my family but I’m human too.
This is the side of being a SAHM that isn’t expressed enough to comprehend. We scroll through social media and see how these mamas make it look so easy. However, I just want to bring some light to shine on the reality of things. Based on my personal experience, not everything is perfect all the time; ESPECIALLY during these unprecedented times. These uncomfortable times where we sit most days with our own silence, where everyday is the same motion. But, it’s ok to feel defeated some days. It’s ok to feel down. It’s ok because in order to feel happiness, we must know what sadness is… As long as we always remember that better days are yet to come and that we can pick ourselves up, it is OK. There WILL be a rainbow after this storm, my storm, your storm.
Just a friendly reminder, it’s not always blooming season. Some seasons are for pruning.